On the Day My Baby Died

“I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.”

Today, I mourn the death of my child. Unlike David, I still grieve. The pain is fresh and potent. It burns. Yet, like David, I too know that I will see my child again.

Today at the breakfast table I told our children that Jesus loved our baby so much He wanted the baby to be with Him now in heaven. How heartbreaking were those words coming out of my mouth.

While I only knew my child in the womb for a few weeks, the Lord had already firmly planted him or her in my heart. I prayed for that child. I loved that child. And now, that child has been taken from me. I knew so little about my baby…

I did not know if my baby would be a boy or a girl, but I am confident the Lord knew.

I did not know my baby’s name, but I am confident that my baby has one from the Lord, written down in glory.

I did not know what was in store for the life of my baby, but I am confident the Lord knew.

I did not get to hold my baby, but the Lord did.

I did not get to meet my baby, but one day across the Jordan, I will see my child.

Without the hope in my sovereign and merciful God, and without the knowledge that my child has gone to be with the Savior, I would be in utter despair. I am hurt. I am angry. I cry and I wail, and like the voice crying out in Ramah, I weep for my child. Weep with me.

And in the midst of this, I have a word for the church of Jesus Christ.

  • Children are a rich blessing. Despite what the world tells us, children are a blessing from the Lord. They are expensive, and tiring, but I cannot imagine what life would be like without my 3 little ones the Lord has given me. I won’t know what it would have been like with 4, but it would have made my life all the richer.
  • There is a stigma in our churches that miscarried babies are somehow less to be grieved over than babies already born. I’ve heard the callous and insensitive words uttered by Christians that “she’s young, please Lord give her another one” as if another child could replace the one that was previously growing in her womb. For all we talk about as pro-life people and “life in the womb” we are terribly insensitive and callous when people, who want the ones the Lord has given to them, lose them acting as if it was less of a baby somehow.My baby died. Just as if my 5 year old died. Just because I knew not the name of my child, or held that baby in my arms, does not mean I loved that gift any less. Grieve with me. Weep with me. Hope with me. But don’t act like that baby was any less a baby or that the baby could be so easily replaced.
  • Keep your theological concern to yourself at this point. I know the Bible doesn’t explicitly say babies go to heaven, but I believe there is enough material to draw concepts from God’s Word together to form a reasonable inference that it be true. If you disagree, the best thing you can do is keep it to yourself instead of trying to theologically out-reason grieving parents.
  • Losing your baby, at any age, at any stage of development is one of the most horrific experiences to go through as a parent. Yet, our culture has such a lackadaisical attitude to babies, and in particular, to killing said babies in the womb, when they are inconvenient. The church needs to be more dedicated, prayerful, and involved, with boots on the ground, in seeking to end the abhorrent abortion industry in North America. It’s not enough just to be angry, do something about it. As I grieve for my own lost baby, who was loved and cared for, I grieve, in some ways, even more for those who were not loved or cared for. Oh, how I wish I could hold each of them in my arms. If someone came to me today and said, “I’m going to abort this baby unless someone adopts it,” I’d be the first to reply, “I will love and care for your baby just as I would my own.” How much do you love and care for the babies of our nation?

This is all so raw. But I didn’t want to wait until the rawness was gone. Then I’d edit out things and change the ways I worded them. I wanted you to come alongside me and weep with me and grieve with me in all the rawness of the loss of life. Then, I hope and pray you will be even more understanding, sensitive, caring for those who lose their babies in the womb, and dare I say it, even more willing to step up and help take care of the little ones who are not loved except by our Savior.

2 Responses to On the Day My Baby Died

  1. Bob says:

    Praying for you and your family. Lucille and I went through this experience twice and we will never forget it. There doesn’t seem to be any answer anywhere, but to ask God for comfort and some kind of understanding. Bob Hobbes

    • allenmickle says:

      Bob, it is good to hear from you, albeit under difficult circumstances. Thank you for your understanding and your prayers. It is certainly a very difficult time, but we appreciate others sharing their own stories. It reminds us that our trials are not unique to us. Thank you again. I appreciate you brother.

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